Perubahan: baik atau jelek?

Kata siapa perubahan pasti jelek? Sering denger kan orang bilang mereka berubah jadi lebih baik? That's not bullsh*t, in fact, that happens all the time. Kenapa sesuatu atau seseorang bisa berubah? Perubahan ga mungkin terjadi tiba-tiba tanpa ada penyebabnya. That must be because something or someone else triggers it. Saya ga mau ngomongin perubahan dalam konteks yang 'ribet', misalnya perubahan politik, ekonomi, dan sebagainya karena saya ga suka ngomongin yang ribet-ribet, let's say, kapasitas otak saya cukup 'terbatas'. So, saya mau kasih contoh perubahan yang sederhana aja, masih berhubungan sama the big C word. CINTA. Yeah, you know I'm a mellow girl, hahaha...

Dua minggu ini saya maraton nonton serial TV Amerika, judulnya "Queer as Folk". Udah agak lama diputer di TV, dari tahun 2000-2005, ada 5 season. Ceritanya tentang... ada yang udah bisa nebak dari judulnya? Yup! Tentang kehidupan homoseksual di Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Kenapa tiba-tiba saya nonton 'pelem begituan'? Iya, emang banyak adegan 'eksplisit' di serial ini, tapi bukan karena itu saya bela-belain ke warnet buat ngopi serial ini. Alasan utamanya karena saya suka Ashton Kutcher. Pemeran utamanya, miriiiiiiiiiip banget sama Ashton Kutcher, namanya Gale Harold. Googling deh kalo ga percaya... The second reason is after I've watched it til the third episode, it turned out I couldn't stop watching it. So, here I am.

Gale Harold berperan jadi tokoh gay bernama Brian Kinney, yang muda, sukses, ganteng, pinter, yang bikin dia jadi pujaan semua gay di Pittsburgh. But unfortunately, Brian is a guy who never believe in love, that's make him a cynical, cold-hearted person. Always speaks the truth, no matter how bad the truth is. An original a**hole. Hmm, bayangin Simon Cowell pas lagi jadi juri American Idol deh. Yah, semacam itu lah kelakuan Brian. Itu emang udah jadi tabiatnya dari kecil, mungkin karena dia tumbuh di keluarga yang ga harmonis, bikin dia hidup dengan sikap 'anti', pada semua hal kecuali having fun.

Kemudian hidup Brian berubah karena seseorang. Justin Taylor, 17 years old, good looking, talented artist, and gay of course, mengaku bahwa dia jatuh cinta pada pandangan pertama pada Brian. Justin, diperankan oleh Randy Harrison, yang belum tau prinsip hidup Brian, menganggap bahwa sekali mereka tidur bareng, maka artinya Brian mau menjalin hubungan spesial. Di saat itulah, sahabat Brian yang berada di posisi 'friendzone', Michael Novotny, turun tangan. Michael, pemuda yang bekerja sebagai Asisten Manager di sebuah supermarket lokal, tergila-gila sama komik, and also happened to be gay, told Justin that Brian doesn't do boyfriend. He doesn't believe in love, he just cares about fu**ing. Awalnya Justin merasa sakit hati waktu denger nasihat Michael, tapi akhirnya dia sadar Michael bener. That's Brian. You can't expect anything from him. He promises you nothing.

Tapi karena kegigihan dan pendekatan yang dilakukan Justin, Brian mulai berubah sedikit demi sedikit. Brian berubah jadi lebih peduli terhadap orang di sekelilingnya, terutama Justin. Tanpa dia sadari dia mulai terbiasa dengan kehadiran Justin dan rasa sukanya pada Justin makin meningkat. Brian baru sadar perubahan itu di awal season 2, waktu dia setia nunggu Justin yang sedang koma di rumah sakit setiap malam, selama berminggu-minggu. Justin got bashed by an anti-gay boy in his school at prom night. Kejadiannya tepat setelah Justin mengantar Brian ke mobilnya di basement setelah mereka dansa di acara prom tersebut. 

Melihat adegan Brian nangis dan berlumuran darah Justin bikin saya merinding. Jujur aja ya, seperti orang  normal lainnya dengan orientasi seksual yang normal, saya jijik melihat adegan-adegan 'menye-menye' pasangan berjenis kelamin sama, tapi untuk pertama kalinya, rasa jijik itu berkurang setelah melihat Justin dan Brian. Saya merasa bahwa chemistry di antara dua tokoh utama di serial ini bener-bener kuat. Padahal Gale Harold itu aslinya straight lho, he's not gay. It proves that they are really good actors.

Nah, setelah Justin bangun dari komanya, Brian sadar bahwa dia ga mau dan ga bisa kelihangan Justin. Brian sempet merasa bahwa kejadian itu salahnya maka dia bener-bener berusaha menebusnya dengan selalu ada di samping Justin sampai Justin benar-benar sembuh. Once he hold Justin and said: 

I want you save. And I want you around for a long time. 

Can you imagine, someone who doesn't believe in love, who thinks he doesn't need anyone by his side,  who doesn't ever give a sh*t, suddenly said that? Well, hold on, there's more that can make you said: that's fu**ing unbelievable! 

Brian finally said it. The three words, eight letters, that Justin always wanted him to say. Waktu itu Brian dan Justin bukan lagi 'partner', mereka putus karena Justin merasa keinginan mereka masing-masing dalam hubungan mereka beda, dan akan selalu seperti itu. Justin inginnya mereka jadi keluarga, sementara Brian ga percaya pada prinsip 'keluarga'. Akhirnya Justin memutuskan bahwa mereka ga bisa lagi menjalin hubungan kalo prinsip hidup mereka ga akan pernah sama. Dan Brian ga mencegah kepergian Justin, padahal sebenernya dia ga mau putus, dia cuma terlalu gengsi buat bilang 'tidak'.

Sampe akhirnya ada lagi kejadian yang bikin Brian sadar apa sebenernya yang dia mau. Kejadian yang hampir membuat dia kehilangan dua orang yang paling dia sayangi, Justin dan Michael. At that night, surrounded by ambulances and firemen, he hold Justin who's injured because of an explosion at his night club, and said: 

When I heard what happened, I tried to call you on your cell but... you didn't answer. I was... so fu**ing scared. All I could think was... "Please don't let anything happened to him.". 

Then he hugged Justin and whispered:

I love you.

Then he looked into Justin's eyes and said it again. Then they kissed and hugged again. Saya langsung lemes lho pas lihat adegan itu. Adegan yang saya tunggu-tunggu dari episode kedua season satu akhirnya kejadian juga. Adegan yang selalu saya bayangin, gimana ya nanti pas akhirnya Brian bilang "I love you"? And I thought, "Damn! This scene couldn't be more touchy than this.".

Brian said "I love you" for the first time.

Now, do you think, that's it? No, mate. I still have one more. Keesokan harinya Brian dateng ke apartemen Justin, made sure he was okay then said:

How about marrying me?

Brian Kinney, seorang gay yang paling anti-komitmen dan anti-pernikahan ngelamar Justin Taylor, pacarnya yang baru semalem dapet pernyataan "I love you"?! What the hell! And you know how's Justin responded to that? Justin cuma ketawa terus bilang:

What? Stop being ridiculous. I have no intention on marrying someone who, by his nature, is doomed to fail.  Besides, you're only asking me because of what happened to Michael. As soon as life returns to normal, so will you. I know you too well, way to well. Now, thank you for saying it but... the answer is no. 

Justin rejected Brian's proposal?!

Brian Kinney's REJECTED! Hell! Tapiii, Brian ga berhenti sampe di situ, kawan-kawan. Dia sadar, dia bener-bener ga bisa hidup tanpa Justin dan dia pingin buat Justin bahagia. So, he's selling his loft and his club to buy this huge, charming, lovely house, in West Virginia, which Justin called palace, for his one and only beautiful, blond lover, Mr. Justin Taylor. Lengkap dengan kolam renang dan istal kuda, rumah impian Justin!

Brian: You said that your small but charmless studio would have to do until your country manor came along. I'd hoped this would be all your dreamed of. 

Justin: And more. But I told you, I...

Brian: You won't marry me. Who could blame you? I am, without a doubt, the worst candidate for marriage alive. But, conversely, that's also the reason that I'm the best candidate. 

Justin: And how's that? 
Brian: Because as strongly as I was opposed to the idea, now that I'm behind it, I am as fervently and passionately committed. 
Justin: Uh-huh. And what changed your mind? 
Brian: I finally thought of one good reason to do it. 
Justin: And what is that one good reason? 
Brian: To prove to the person that I love how much I love him. That I would give anything, I would do... anything, I'd be anything... to make him happy. 

Justin cuma bisa geleng-geleng, terus bilang:

Justin: You're fu**ing unbelievable. 
Brian: It's true. I am. 
Justin: You... you bought this. You bought this palace?! 
Brian: It's for my prince... I'm also selling the loft, and the club. 
Justin: Without even knowing what my answer would be? 
Brian: I'm taking a chance on love. 
Justin: ...Then you mean it. 
Brian: I've never meant anything more. 

Justin, yang sangat sangat speechless menatap dalam wajah sang kekasih, lalu bilang:

Justin: Ok. 
Brian: Ok? 
Justin: Let's do it. 
Brian: Say it. 
Justin: Yes! 
Brian: Yes what? 
Justin: Yes. Yes, I will marry you. I will marry you. 

Then they kissed. And made love, of course.

Justin finally said yes!

Now, that's it. That's what I wanna talk about. Karena kehadiran Justin dalam hidupnya, secara ga sadar, berhasil membuat Brian berubah jadi lebih perhatian sama teman-teman dan keluarganya, berhasil bikin Brian jadi pria dewasa yang bertanggung jawab. Begitu juga dengan Justin. Dia jadi lebih dewasa dan berani menghadapi dan menyelesaikan masalah dalam kesehariannya. Perubahan ga selalu berarti negatif, perubahan bisa membawa hal-hal positif ke sekeliling kita. 

Akhir kata, jangan takut buat berubah dan jangan benci perubahan. As long as it can make world a better place to live in... 

For You

"I'd catch a grenade for ya. 

Throw my hand on a blade for ya.

I'd jump in front of a train for ya. 

You know I'd do anything for ya.

I would go through all this pain. 

Take a bullet straight through my brain.

Yes, I would die for you, baby. 

But you won't do the same."

(Grenade by Bruno Mars)